


Doesn't mean I don't

by FrejaStahl



Category: Just Friends - Lang Leav
Genre: Inspired by Poetry, Inspired writing, Just Friends, Lang Leav, Poetry, Short Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 04:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6269656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrejaStahl/pseuds/FrejaStahl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short story inspired by the poem Just Friends by Lang Leav.  It's a lovely short poem, definitely worth a read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doesn't mean I don't

This has to be one sided. It has to be! He has a girlfriend!! You've been friends for too long! Don't get annoyed, don't get annoyed, don't get annoyed!

I'm annoyed.

Nathan walked in with his urghh *girrlllfrienddd*, and my eyes naturally gravitate towards them, obviously! The twinge I'm feeling in my chest isn't ok, is it? What is this heavy dread I'm getting, every time I see him with *her*. Please don't come up to me, please don't walk up to me, please don't talk to me.."Hiii!!", I'm pulling my biggest smile, beaming at my best friend (I suppose?) Nathan, smiling (maybe?) at the person he is attached (urgh, don't get me started) with. I get up to give him a hug. Nathan's hugs are amazing. He always gives me the best hugs. I am a bit biased, though. I didn't used to be, by the way! I've no idea when this all started, it just sort of did. I didn't plan for this. Do you ever plan for something like this?

"How's it going, Rhea?", he lifted me up a little off the ground, he hugged me around my waist, I held him round his neck. His face felt warm on my neck, some stubble scratching me slightly. I don't mind....Get your head together, Rhea!!! We let go, "Yeah, not too bad. Just, you know trying to get some sort of work done." A public library probably wasn't the best place to go for some intense private study. Particularly if you knew that your best *friend* and his whatever were wanting to say hello. "You ok, Julia?", I look around his shoulder. OK, so I'm getting the social niceties out of the way, sue me! "Yeah, thanks, Rhea" she smiled at me, perfectly innocently, I'm not going to lie to you, I don't like it. I'm an awful, awful person. How can you hate on someone who has never done anything bad to you? Except for the fact that, you know, she has the person I am deeply besotted with. I nod at her and feel a tad awkward, trying hard not to show on my face what I only just came around to understanding? No, wrong word...coming to terms with is probably better, although I haven't. I'm very far from being at peace with this.

"Come on, then, brains", Nathan knocks me with his elbow. His lop-sided smile knocks me sideways a bit more than his elbow does. I pack up my doodle filled notebook, stationary, and mobile phone. I flick my homescreen off immediately. Yes it is a photo of the two of us, if you must know. Ice-cream on our faces, he's pulling his best nerdiest face, his arm around my neck. You can even tell in the bloody picture what I'm thinking, I'm looking up at him as if he's mine. My favourite picture of us, actually. But Julia wouldn't appreciate that. Who even cares?!...Urgghh!! He isn't even mine to feel like this about, I don't own him and never will! Who the hell has given me the right to feel like this then!? 

I've got my best platonic face on (I didn't even realise I was capable of putting on a platonic face). As I put my arm around my backpack, Nathan puts his arm around Julia's shoulders. I think I just internally rolled my eyes. We walk out of the library and down the path towards a cafe. It's a quaint little place, Nathan and I used to hang out there most times. Used to.

Ordering our drinks, I'm watching him pay for the coffees and cakes. Julia has already gone to grab a table, I'm hanging around for a little while with Nathan. "You feeling ok today, Rhesus?"..OK so his stupid nicknames for me make me go all funny.."Yeah, all good. Why?", I retorted a bit too sharply then, damn it! "Because you sound like you're about to bite someone's head off, that's why", he replied. He sounded guarded, and a bit hurt from my tone. I immediately feel bad for unintentionally irritating him. No, actually good! How dare he not understand what I'll probably NEVER in my existence EVER explain what's going on in my head. What I secretly hope that our conversations will entail every time we speak to each other?? Why can't he just jump into my chest and see how I stop breathing for a tiny little bit, every time he speaks to or about Julia. How my chest hurts at the thought of him being to close to *her*. How dare you not understand the zero signals I'm giving you?! I thought we knew each other well enough to get each other's nonsense without the need to speak. That's what I have with you. Or had.

"I'm just a bit let down by the fact that you didn't return my call last night". We're always honest with each other. About most things, before you start!! Just not when I've got my feelings on the line, clearly. "And for the last few phone calls, I've been the one doing the calling. You know I'm used to speaking to you everyday.", Nathan turned to me waiting for our order. "I know, I've just been, you know.." He flicked his head back to where Julia was, "I'm sorry, I'm being really rubbish! I'll make more of an effort. I've missed you!", he touched my shoulder. Right, correct yourself here, Rhea! "No, wait, it's fine. I get it, you've got a new distraction. I should figure that you'll have less time for me now. You don't owe me anything." I sound atrocious to myself!! I want to grab him and say stop, I want us to be just us again. Our long mess abouts, hugs, jokes, long doing-nothings, all of that rubbish. But instead I opt for, "I miss you, too".

By this point our order has been served, and we walk up to the table Julia has picked. My chair is the wobbly one. Just to make things extra awkward, I guess. Looking at them together makes me feel terrible. I'm feeling very selfish, and am holding back with everything I have the urge to just tell her to go away. To tell Nathan I've fallen for him.

I am fully aware that I shouldn't show him what I've been feeling for what what feels like forever. So at that moment, sat awkwardly on my broken chair, I decide that when Nathan is around me, I won't. Because, "I know I've no right to feel it - but it doesn't mean I don't."


End file.
